Sunday, September 12, 2021

5268 - Long joke Sunday

It's another list...

The Washington Post’s Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:                                                 
 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.                     
 2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.                  
 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.                                   
 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.                     
 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.                                       
 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 
 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.                    
 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. 
 9. Inoculate: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.    
 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)     
 11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.                                                          
 12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.                               
 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.                                      
 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.  
 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.                                  
 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.                    
 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.


Elephant's Child said...

Surely the third is intaxication?
Some gems here. Thanks.

Mike said...

Sue - You're right. I could have messed up a few others with spell check. Spell check was also looking for extra spaces and I think when I fixed a few spacing errors it corrected spelling also. Intaxication is fixed.

Bilbo said...

I've been using "Ignoranus" for a long time, now. It's a useful word to describe so many people.

Kathy G said...

My favorite is 'sarchasm'. The definition is so true!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That last one is entirely accurate!

Anonymous said...

Mike said...

Bill - It applies to a lot of personalities you post about.

Kathy - I hate when that applies to me. But usually, when it does it's because the pun is so topic-specific, only a Ph.D. in that field would get it.

Deb - I can say that it's never happened to me but there's still time.

Anon - There used to be a lot of those types of tests on the net but I haven't seen any recently. And since I know what the trick is, I'll check for the letter in question by scanning from the end (not reading the words) and going backward first.

Shaw Kenawe said...

These were hilarious.

Here's one of mine:

CREDULOUSE: A blood-sucking pest who'll believe anything.

Mike said...

Shaw - Nice. Now all you have to do is get into Mensa so you can enter the contest next year!

Kirk said...

I would think if you belong to Mensa, your time would be better spent looking for ways to reconcile quantum mechanics with relativity theory, instead of telling jokes. That said, these ARE pretty funny.

Mike said...

Kirk - Telling jokes is much more fun. :)