Two lists today.
Readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by circumcised men.
1. ARBITRAITOR
A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s
2. BERNADETTE
The act of torching a mortgage.
3. BURGLARIZE
What a crook sees through
4. AVOIDABLE
What a bullfighter tries to do
5. EYEDROPPER
Clumsy ophthalmologist
6. CONTROL
A short, ugly inmate.
7. COUNTERFEITER
Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
8. ECLIPSE
What an English barber does for a living.
9. LEFT BANK
What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
10. HEROES
What a man in a boat does
11. PARASITES
What you see from the Eiffel Tower
12. PARADOX
Two physicians
13. PHARMACIST
A helper on a farm
14. POLARIZE
What penguins see through
15. PRIMATE
Remove your spouse from in front of the TV
16. RELIEF
What trees do in the spring
17. RUBBERNECK
What you do to relax your wife
18. SELFISH
What the owner of a seafood store does
19. SUDAFED
Brought litigation against a government official
20. PARADIGMS
Twenty Cents
Posts
11 comments:
Thanks for the smiles.
Many are more fun than the 'real' definitions.
Sue - That makes them even more fun.
The first list has been around for quite a while, but is still funny ... especially "willy-nilly." The second list has some new ones that are pretty clever, especially "sudafed," which is a word that, sadly, is much needed nowadays.
Very clever!
I'm in awe of people who can come up with clever puns. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
Bilbo - That first one was a memory test for you. I'm sending a report to your doctor.
Deb - Would you believe I made all these up myself? I know. I wouldn't believe it either.
Kathy - I know what you mean. You see the word and it's just a normal word even though you know a pun is coming.
Excellent. I think I'm flabbergasted and need to abdicate 😄
CC - I'm right there with you.
Good choices. I am will you and Mike.
Thanks Mike 😊
Susan - Me too.:)
Cloudia - cu plăcere
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