Cyclists repeatedly fail Captcha tests after failing to identify images with traffic lights.
I can't believe they let people who are stronger and faster than other people compete in 'Find out who is the stronger and faster person' contests.
I live in constant fear of being asked to share a 'fun fact about me'.
Chicken lips went to HR and complained.
Now we can't use nicknames at work anymore.
One minute you're young and having fun, and the next, you're putting on your glasses to hear better.
My body's 'check engine light' is on, but I'm still driving it around like, 'nah, it'll be okay'.
I'm going through my company's annual cyber security training, and the video just used the phrase "virtual VPN".
I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present them with the correct facts and data.
Seriously, it's easier to stay awake until 5am than wake up at 5am.
I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them. (That's how I get out of jury duty.)
Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers.
Coach Tim made a couch joke.
People at the front door: Have you found Jesus?
Resident: WTF, you lost him again?! Next time use bigger nails!
(stolen from stu) At the local kindergarten, small children are taught preschool skills, e.g. learning to count. The smaller ones can count to five, then ten by using both hands. Brighter kids count to 20 by taking off their socks and shoes and using their toes as well. One unusually talented lad claimed HE could count to 21 and took off his pants to demonstrate.
(stolen from stu)
A mosquito was heard to complain
That chemists had poisoned her brain.
The cause of her sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.
(DDT)
Tim Walz is the guy who mows your lawn when you break your leg.
JD Vance is the guy who reports your overgrown lawn to the HOA.
Don't block all of your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters.
Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring?
I didn't mean to gain all this weight. It happened by snaccident.
Sex over 50 can be exciting. You never know if it's gonna be an orgasm, a leg cramp, or a stroke.
Posts
12 comments:
That preschool kid is smart!
River - Yep!
Russian roulette is when you put a cartridge in a revolver, spin the drum, then fire at your own head. Putin roulette is similar, except that you use a pistol.
When I was in the Air Force, I learned that the equivalent of the "Check Engine" light in a B-52 is the "Master Caution" light, which the pilot turns off by pounding on it until it goes out. Yes, I watched it happen. Several times.
For Bilbo : the check engine light on a B52 has a 3-bit counter.
100% A+ Mike
Yes to the first one!
Stu - You get one chance with the hope that there's no cartridge in the chamber.
Bill - Well it's only a master "caution". If it were the master disaster light they might have to worry about it.
Anon - So they have to pound hard and fast, right?
Cloudia - A+? 110%! 😁
Kathy - Not you though, right? 🚲
Here's a fun fact about you. You like jokes!
Kirk - WHAT?! Say it ain't so!
Are you snaccident prone? I used to be before I made my home snaccident proof.
Lady - Snaccident and fast food.
Post a Comment