Domain renewal time...
A: Admit to yourself your dream is dead.
B: Pay $12.
Don't punish your child by taking their games away.
Log onto their games and get them banned.
People call me skeptical,
but I’m not sure I believe them.
Why do adult males who can't run a mile say they are ready for a civil war?
Looking at you, Meal Team 6.
And you too, Gravy Seals.
Pro tip for millennials, as Gen X starts to pass away, resist the urge to watch unlabeled VHS tapes.
The same crowd that has carried a grudge against Jane Fonda for fifty years thinks we should “get past” Jan 6.
WARNING. Snow happens in the Fall because some people decorate prematurely for Christmas. You know who you are. Stop it.
One minute you are young & free, and the next you have a favorite pharmacy.
I’m so upset with myself. I burnt the Hawaiian pizza I made for dinner.
I should have baked it at aloha temperature.
He started believing things that weren't true.
At first, I thought it was Alzheimers.
Then I realized he was watching Fox News.
I hate when people can't let go of the past.
Debt collectors are the WORST!
Note to self: Never tweet, "I hate Taylor Swift" and then go golfing.
It was fun watching the vegan couple next door argue about the Big Mac wrapper I tossed into the backseat of their car.
Dating is a great way to realize that dying alone isn't the worst that could happen.
It's candy corn season for all you crayon eating psychopaths.
I don't think the Secret Service is up for the task at hand. It's time to switch over to thoughts and prayers. And just in case, I think we should also post a copy of the Ten Commandments at all the golf courses and rally events.
Me: do you shower after sex?
Coworker: Yeah, of course I do!
Me: Well, how about getting laid a little more often.
My favorite season is when all the mosquitoes are dead.
When people ask if we were better off 4 years ago, I remind them that 4 years ago we were using freezer trucks as morgues.
I told my daughter to check her attitude and she looked at me and said, "For complaints about attitude please contact the manufacturer".
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel and misinterpret what other people mean.
To save time I call Nationalist Christians "Nat Cs".
Posts
3 comments:
Thanks for the chuckles.
You're not a candy corner are you? 🤨
Domain renewal time...
A: Admit to yourself your dream is dead.
B: Pay $12.
Hey, you could turn out to be a cyber squatter on a name that some multinational corporation absolutely must have!
Why do adult males who can't run a mile say they are ready for a civil war?
Looking at you, Meal Team 6.
And you too, Gravy Seals.
I think the same thing! These are people who went nuts when they couldn't go to Golden corral for a few months. Lots of great stuff here. Thanks Mike for the shot of sanity. Maybe it will get popular and America will get back to the 21st century.
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