"He's not building a cabinet--he's filling a junk drawer."
The mind-body problem...
Mind: Get up!
Body: NO!
They're called “deviled eggs” because the voices whisper & make you eat 25 of them!
If you said joy and happiness won’t pay for your groceries, let me know how hatred and misery works out for you.
It's hard to separate church from state when you can't separate fact from fiction.
Marriage tip: when your wife asks what's on TV, DO NOT say dust.
Idiocracy was meant to be a comedy. It became a documentary.
Thinking of starting a taxi service for seniors and calling it Oldsmobile.
Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would is one of life’s greatest challenges.
I don’t know why staring at fish in a tank is so comforting?
Must be in-door-fins.
Patient: Doc, why was I pausing after every word I said?
Doc: You were in a comma.
If you wear a sweater and you sweat, are you the sweater?
Is a fibula just a little lie?
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring.
The police caught me exercising at a rest stop.
HABITAT: When you get a picture of a nun inked on your arm.
I deleted a very good friend for posting "Jobs should higher you weather you have a fella knee or mister meaner".
You call it OCD. I call it put the shit back where you found it!
Forest rangers shoot grizzlies with sedative darts before approaching.
There's safety in numb bears.
I always double-check to make sure the garage door is closed at night. I don't want someone stealing the stuff I've been trying to get rid of for years.
Dr. Oz had to pay $5.25 million to settle a class action suit for promoting phony weight loss cures. He is a con man. No wonder Trump likes him.
I have a 'dry clean only' sweater that's about to learn some unpleasant facts about living with me.
“How to remove leaves from your lawn,”
By Ray King.
I didn't realize how broke I was until someone stole my identity and it ruined their life.
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14 comments:
Smiling. And wincing. Again. Dr Oz should fit right in.
He's picking some lunatics, isn't he?
LOL, that first one! Liked the "dry clean only" one too!
Wash and wear is me!
I don't know if it's more shocking than sad or the other way around or maybe just not surprising
All good Mike. Thank You
Good is good.
Filling a junk drawer - clever.
I've learned to read the clothes care labels before buying. Nothing with fussy directions will come home with me.
That's a mighty big junk drawer and I was very surprised to hear on TV that Dr Oz had been selected. Guess it makes sense, as EC says, he'll fit right in.
And true.
Absolutely.
Oz is no wizard.
The junk drawer is a classic, as is the related "I've seen better cabinets at Ikea."
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