6357 - Long joke Sunday

**Dear Son,**

I’m writing this slowly because I know you’re not a fast reader.

  

We don’t live in the same place anymore. Your dad read that most accidents happen close to home, so we decided to move.  

I can’t send you our new address because the people who lived here before us took the house numbers. They said they didn’t want to change their address. 

 

This house has a washing machine! I put in four shirts the first day, pulled the chain, and now they’re gone. I haven’t seen them since.

  

It only rained twice this week. The first rain lasted three days, and the second lasted four days.

  

About the coat you asked for—it’s coming. Aunt Sue said it was too heavy to mail because of the big buttons, so we cut the buttons off and put them in the pockets.

  

We got a bill from the funeral home. It says if we don’t pay for Grandma’s funeral soon, they’ll "bring her back up."

  

Your sister had a baby today. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet, so I’m not sure if you’re an uncle or an aunt. 

 

Uncle John had an accident. He fell into a big vat of whiskey. Some men tried to save him, but he fought them off and had a great time. Sadly, he drowned. We cremated him, and it took three days for him to finish burning. 

 

Three of your friends had a bad accident. They drove their truck off a bridge. The driver swam out, but the other two drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate open. 

 

That’s about all the news from here. If you don’t get this letter, let me know, and I’ll send another one.  

Love,  

Mom