6430 - Saturday jokes

When Tesla vandalism gets you a 20-year sentence and storming the Capitol earns you a pardon, you have officially reached sh*t-hole country status.

Manager: I don’t think you could be any more sarcastic even if you tried.

Me: I really don’t think you want me to test that theory.

Marriage is when one person is always right and the other person is the husband.

Rich people have fancy labels on their clothes.

Happy people have dog hair on them.

This kid was born without eyelids…

The doctor said, “I also do circumcisions. I think I can use the foreskin to make eyelids!” The surgery is a success. They bring the baby in, and the dad holds him up to take a look. He says, “It looks good, just a little cockeyed”.

The kid will have superhero powers, always being able to foresee things.

Yep, he'll always see what's cumming.

Kid, why are you just sitting there blinking your eyes rapidly?

Why are your tears sticky?

A man on a hunting trip in Africa has his penis blown off when dropping his gun. A day later a surgeon tells him it's a very expensive, experimental procedure, but that they can graft the trunk of a baby elephant in place to replace the penis. The man is wealthy and agrees.

Three weeks later, all signs are that the procedure has worked. The man goes out to dinner with his wife. While making Smalltalk and waiting for the meal to arrive the noise of the man's zipper interpts the conversation. Suddenly, rising from under the table, the man's new penis grabs a breadroll and just as quickly retreats under the table and dies the zipper up again. His wide eyed wife recovers from her momentary shock. She thinks for a moment then says, "honey, that's amazing. Can you do that again?" The husband with a horrified look on his face tells her "I probably could, but I don't think my ass could take another bread roll."

Her: Facebook is changing to Meta.

Him: What's a Meta?

Her: Nothing. What's a meta with you?

I misspelled "I'm unstoppable," and my phone autocorrected to "I'm unstable," and honestly, that's fair. (Bilbo)

Texter: Hi this is micropost we have had difficultys geting you in the xbox data bayse we recuire youre email and pasward to get you back on our databayse

Response: Learn2spell@school.com

          My pass is Stupidk1d

Texter: Omg yoy actualy fel for it have fun geting hack.

One day you're young and careless, and the next you have a favorite pharmacy.

"You're acting weird".

"Okay, well, first, I'm not acting."

The kid bagging my groceries asked if I wanted paper or plastic.

I said you choose.

He said baggers can't be choosers.

*****************

Short on jokes today. I upgraded my windows 10 to windows 11. Upgrade.... HA!