6601 - Saturday jokes

Owner to car salesman: "I can't explain it. All I know is I can't drive more than 10 miles without needing to pull over to use the restroom".

Soon after it was introduced, the Lincoln Incontinental was recalled.

She told me she's stripping to feed her kids but gets pissed when I put seven cans of green beans on the stage.

Why do men snore when they lie in their backs? It's because their balls fall over their asshole which causes a vapor lock.

That feeling of anger you get when your girlfriend is kissing another dude but you can't say anything because he's her husband.

Remember, having sex on a regular basis keeps helps your memory alive. I wish you all a great 2016.

Apparently stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people that are stressing you out.

Interview at an IT company...

Them: So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Me: I hacked your system and invited myself to this interview.

Q: What did 2025 teach you that you will remember for the rest of your life?

A: Don't take your side piece to a Cold Play concert.

MAGA: I didn't vote for THIS!

Me: Yes you DID!

Really starting to doubt the credibility of the FIFA Peace Prize.

Just Sayin’.

Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out, "Hey asshole!" They'll all turn around and look.

Next time you see a vegan sleeping, put a half eaten hamburger in their hand.

If you need the threat of hell to be a good person, then you're just a bad person on a leash.

If we are serious about saving the planet, we should stop printing calendars.

They're the reason our days are numbered.

Sign in front of a donut shop...

Come in and try the worst donut that one woman on Yelp ever had in her life.

I don't always read something mind-numbingly stupid,

but when I do it's always from a tRUMP supporter.

It’s ironic that hyphenated is not hyphenated but non-hyphenated is hyphenated.

The cruelest self-help joke is being told to “leave your comfort zone.”

Sir, I haven’t even found the comfort zone yet. I’ve been living in the ‘Mild-to-Severe Anxiety Zone’ my whole life. Can you give me the coordinates?

I'll never apollogize for my puns about Greek gods.

HELP! I've fallen and I can't think of a reason to get up! (Bilbo)

My nephew asked me where Walla Walla was located.

I told him somewhere between ting tang and bing bang.

King Charles is seeking to restore British rule over the US.

Shout out to everyone who got through the day without taking a nap. Pulled an all-dayer today. Pretty rough.

Remember when the FIFA peace prize used to mean something? (Debra)

The CEO of IKEA was elected as the Prime Minister of Sweden.

Really? What's he doing now?

Assembling his cabinet. (Debra)

Do you pronounce climb it and climate the same or differently?

The only thing Greenland has that America desperately needs is free Universal Healthcare.

I'm 59 and just found a book among my mother's books called "Is My Child Stupid"?

Well, it did take me until I was 59 to find it.

Her: Just be yourself and say something nice.

Me: I can't do both! (Deb)

I didn't mean to press all your buttons, I was trying to find mute. (Deb)

Me: I'm not trying to be a bitch, but...

Narrator: Oh, but she was trying to be a bitch. She was trying to be the bitchiest bitch that ever bitched about bitches. (Deb)

Thank you for the free 10-day trial of 2026. I'd like to unsubscribe from whatever the hell this is. (Bilbo)

I went to Costco today to buy eggs. We usually get brown eggs, but today all they had were white ones. I guess ICE got there first. (Bilbo)

Q: How were the pyramids built?

A: The pyramids were built before Newton discovered gravity so the stones weight wasn't a problem.

It’s astonishing how many people seem to think that public execution is a reasonable outcome for someone driving away from an ICE agent.

Octopus with gun in each hand looking at a cat...

Cat: You're one short buddy.

Adult life really boils down to four things...

Everything is expensive

I don't know what to eat

I'm tired

ibuprofen

Headline...

'Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake While Taking A Nap'

I guess two people got fired that day.

Let's see if I have this correct...

If I get out of my car I get taken to a concentration camp regardless of my citizenship, but if I don't get out of my car I get shot in the head, right?

It's weird how you never hear about the Proud Boys anymore. It's almost like they all got jobs.

What is the cheapest meat you can buy? 

Deer balls. They're under a buck.