6688 - Saturday jokes

Kash Patel is reportedly furious and

threatening to sue anyone who calls

him "J. Edgar Boozer."

So calling him Rumdog Millionaire is still on the table.

If America had a better educational system, Donald Trump would have never been elected.

Just found out that smh

stands for shaking my

head and not sex might

help, and I feel like I need

to revisit some of the

comments I've made.

Feeling relief when you

realize the weird house noises

are ghosts and not something expensive

you can't afford to fix is a

different level of adulthood.

God promised men that good obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

Then he made the world round.

My coworker carries a taser that she says

she doesn't let men hold anymore

because they immediately attempt to

shock themselves to see if they can take

it. 

I found this out when I asked her to see

it, fully intending to shock myself.

By middle age the hair on a

woman's legs grows

slower, conveniently freeing

up time to manage the

beard she didn't ask for.

A couple went to the psychiatrist.

"What seems to be the problem?"

asked the shrink.

"It's my wife," the man explained.

"For six months, she's thought she

was a lawn mower."

"Why didn't you bring her in sooner?"

"I was waiting for the neighbor who

borrowed her to bring her back."

A Murder of Crows descended on an Embarrassment of Pandas. The pandas were mortified. The zoologists who observed this were a Prank of Taxonomists.

Hey, think about it this way, you're not as dumb as you look.

Cottage Cheese is not really a cheese at all.

It's just a curd to me.

When I was a kid, I went to a Christian

school and they were absolutely

convinced Harry Potter was a ploy

from the devil to get kids into

witchcraft. It was actually a ploy to get

kids reading which is far more

dangerous to Christianity.

My wife went with her friends to see "Fifty Shades Darker" last night, I went to bed at 11pm.

When she got home she walked into the bedroom with a leather strap in one hand and a chain in the other. 

I thought "Oh Boy, this gonna be great".

She said, "Here you forgot to walk the dog!"

Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called assteroids?

My favorite song about allergies is "Blowin' in the Wind" by Peter Pollen Mary.

A 3-LEGGED DOG LIMPED INTO THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

HE SAID, "I'M LOOKING FOR THE MAN WHO SHOT MY PAW."

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PICK A PIGS NOSE?

HAM BOOGERS... I KNOW, I KNOW .. SNOT FUNNY.

If really good looking people are called, "Eye Candy",

I guess I'm somewhere in the "Eye Broccoli" category.

Her: I think we should stop seeing each other for a while.

Him, covering his eyes: Ok, tell me when I can look again.

Retirement - The pay sucks but the hours are really good.

I don't have time to Google lyrics.

I sing what I hear.

"Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seven teeth".

Her: It seems to me I might have to do some of that shady Klondike bar stuff for a tank of gas soon.

Parrot in a cage: Alexa, play Free Bird.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

How many of you hate drama, but if you see it on your timeline, you read all 368 comments.

WHAT ARE YOUR DOGS' NAMES?

  CALVIN & KLEIN.

ISN'T THAT A BRAND OF UNDERWEAR?

  YES, THEY'RE BOXERS.

It's just a matter of time before they add the word 'Syndrome' after my last name.

Are you sweating while putting gas in your car?

Feeling sick when paying for it?

You've got the Carowner virus.

Sarah left a Dr Pepper on a gas pump 61 miles south of Tampa Florida.

That's where Sarasota is.

It is only when mosquito lands on your balls that you realize there is a way to solve problems without using violence.

Ayo Im in the gas station you want sth?

  get some cookies

  gluten free

How long he been out

  Bro what