754 - Another threefer

Email jokes! I think a couple of these are rebirths of old jokes. Let's see how old you are again.

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Dave walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Dave and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Dave said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Dave placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Dave, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Dave replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

***

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk!' 'I know,' she said , 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'

***

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news... You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini.

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that!?

"Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."