904 - Tech Support

Here's a few lines from calls to tech support. Sort of like 'Not always right', but only for computers. I think number 8 is the best with 12 a close second.

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Tech Support
Reportedly, all of the following exchanges really happened.

1. Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A gray one.

2. Customer: I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

3. Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

4. Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

5. Customer: Hi, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.

6. Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.............. thank you.

7. Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

9. Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is the 7 in capital letters?

10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

11. Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

12. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

13. Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

14. A customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

15. Tech support: Okay, press the 'control' and 'escape' keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now press the 'P' key to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P' key.
Tech support: On your keyboard.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'..... on your keyboard.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!! ( Click - dial tone )