Some of these I've heard, some not.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A .
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Did you make it this far? You're lucky. Why? Today is Friday the 13th. Stay away from ladders. Knock on wood. Stay away from mirrors. Stay in bed. With your laptop.
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7 comments:
I can't believe I just read all those...lol.
Good stuff. Kinda like what you would call a well prepared turkey. And thanks for reminding me that Friday follows Monday. Cheers Mike!!
I heard the musician one differently. why was the (fill in any musician here except a drummer here) knocking on his/her own front door? They couldn't find the key.
BTW...I just heard on the morning news that O'leary's is showing the All-Star game tonight in 3-D.
"Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest." Yep. That was my granddaughter.
Stay in bed with my laptop? Check!
Beryl - I debated on posting all of them. But there weren't any bad one's.
Matt-Man - Friday the 13th is a sneaky day. It can show up on ANY day of the week.
Bandit - Kevin didn't mention that yesterday.
Bilbo - That one sort of jumped out at you didn't it?
Candice - Not a very hard order to follow is it?
I haven't been online in days and I loved reading the whole list! Funny how relaxing a few giggles can be :)
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