Sunday, November 07, 2010

1329 - The Dog

From the dog to God.




Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

12.. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

 

10 comments:

Amanda said...

Funny dogs....

Um...did you purposely shrink all the posts on your main page?

Bilbo said...

True dat!

vw: sawamatt - ran into Marshall Dillon on the streets of Dodge.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

LOL!!! These were great!

John A Hill said...

Funny

Schmoop said...

I believe that I should adhere to Rule #15 as well. It does make folks uncomfortable when I do it. Cheers Mike!!

Jay said...

Dogs always make these promises but never keep 'em. They have no self-control. But, they get away with it because they're dogs.

Bandit said...

We were keeping the grand-dog when the cat was still alive. We knew he was eating tootsie rolls (Linda's term) when he had kitty litter all over his snout.

Mike said...

A - No shrinking on my end. Must be Blogger. It's been acting goofy again.

B - Dogs are fun.

MD - Yes indeed.

J - Yes indeed(2)

MM - You can do that?! I'm jealous.

J - I think I heard someone call you a dog. This could explain a lot.

B - Don't you sell doggy tootsie rolls at your shop?

Dianne said...

I love this!! thanks for the laugh

Mike said...

D - My blog could turn into a dog blog with all the positive comments I got here.