1647 - SW again

I happened on another Steven Wright conglomeration. (What?) I think I've eliminated all the duplicates from the other three recent posts. I've asterisked my favorite.

•Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
•Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
•If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
•If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
*I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
•So what's the speed of dark?
•How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
•After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
•I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
•Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
•When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
•If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
•Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
•Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
•How come abbreviated is such a long word?
•Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
•Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
•Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
•Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
•If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
•If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
•What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
•Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
•Do fish get cramps after eating?
•Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
•Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
•If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
•When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
•Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
•Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
•How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
•If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
•Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
•Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
•Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
•Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
•What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
•Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
•Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
•Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
•Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?
•I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.