1773 - Agnes

I posted an Agnes cartoon the other day for Bilbo. That made me wonder if there were any Agnes jokes out on the net..... WELL OF COURSE THERE ARE!!!


A guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken under his arm, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" The girl tells him that he CAN'T take a chicken into the theater, so he goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken into his trousers, and returns. He buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his fly so the chicken can stick its head out - get some air and watch the movie. Sitting next to him is Agnes. She elbows Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it..... you've seen one, you've seen them all." Agnes says, "I KNOW...... but this one's eating my POPCORN!"


Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield." Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts." Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns." Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes." Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent." Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She thenopens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"


Mildred: "Would you like to go the movie with me?" Maxwell: "I'm already going with Agnes." Mildred: "I'll hold your thingie if you go with me." Maxwell: "Agnes says she'll hold my thingie" Mildred: "What's Agnes got that I don't?" Maxwell: "Parkinson's."


"I can tell by your accent that ye're Irish. Pray tell, what part o' Ireland ye from?" "I'm from Dublin" the man replied. "Are ye now? Well, it just so happens I'm from Dublin meself. Where 'bouts did ye grow up?" "I grew up on the south side, near Malcolm Street." said the second man. "Well kiss my Blarney Stone!" said the first, "I grew up on Malcolm Street meself. Tell me, did ye go to school around there?" "Aye, I went to St. Agnes." "Faith and Begorrah! I went to St. Agnes meself. What year'd ye graduate?" "I was in the class o' '67". "Well ain't this a small world!" said the first man, "I graduated in 1967 meself". About this time another man walks in and sits down at the opposite end of the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender take him his usual he says:"Evening, Mike, you know it's gonna be a long night when the O'Malley twins get drunk."