But if you don't want to go watch those, here's some Not Always Right.
Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free
Grocery Store | Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top
(I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)
Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ‘em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”
Me: *stares wide-eyed*
Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*
Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”
Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”
Ph.Duh
Tech Support | Nebraska, USA | Tech Support & Issues
(Note: I’m doing tech support for a college professor.)
Me: “Can I have you look at the lights on the modem?”
Professor: “Yep, looking now.”
(There’s a lengthy pause while I wait for him to look. After he doesn’t say anything for awhile, I decide to ask.)
Me: “So, what are they doing?”
Professor: “Oh! Let me go look…”
(This goes on for another 15 minutes, where he doesn’t answer a single question I ask. I eventually manage to get him to plug a ethernet cable in, but it is still saying a cable is unplugged. He still will not not listen to me and goes on doing his own thing. Five minutes later…)
Me: “What port is the ethernet cable plugged into?”
Professor: “The only one it goes into.”
Me: “And what is the other end plugged into?”
Professor: “The computer…”
Me: “And the other end?”
Professor: “Well, it’s not plugged into anything.”
(I try to keep my calm, despite being exasperated.)
Me: “Can you plug that into the modem please?”
Professor: “Well, now it works. So what did we do?”
Me: “We plugged it in…”
Maybe If You Watch It At 88 MPH
Call Center | Calgary, AB, Canada | Tech Support & Issues
(I’m on the phone with an irate customer who feels like she has been cheated by my company after purchasing a PVR (aka a DVR, or digital video recorder). Apparently, she misunderstood the previous rep who sold it to her. We have been arguing for quite some time.)
Customer: “I can’t get my money back? Why not? I was told that this PVR unit would let me watch shows that normally come on at 9pm whenever I wanted.”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t refund the item as it is past 30 days since you purchased it. Furthermore, there is no technology available that functions as you describe.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous! What’s the point of buying this PVR if I can’t watch shows earlier?”
Me: “Ma’am, the unit is called a PVR. It’s a personal video recorder, and it allows you to record programs to watch at a later time. It is not a time machine.”
Customer: *click*
Posts
8 comments:
The Vermont grocery clerk got more information than she wanted! I enjoyed these, Mike.
I better not laugh at that tech support one.....I've also not plugged things in and wondered why they aren't working. Or used the wrong remote and yell out that the TV is broken.
Sadly Mike I get these people on the phone every damn day. Yesterday was a killer....there must be a full moon because the crazies are out there in full force and calling me!
Not a time machine. HA! You know if it was he would have known she was going to call and not taken the call!
as al franken says, rush limbaugh is a big fat idiot
Jon Stewart is so wonderful
EPT - The guy started off with with a punch line to a good joke.
A - Don't tell on yourself. The electronic devices will hear you and cooperate even less.
MPP - So Mike thinks to himself that he should call Peg some day and pretend to be an irate customer. Mike wouldn't do that... would he?
L - I knew you were going to say that.
D - RL deserves everything everyone is dishing out to him right now. And more.
Poor Rush. Everyone beating up on him all the time. It's just not fair. ;-)
Jay
Professors are surprisingly untechnical.
Post a Comment