2697 - A few jokes

I'm American, and I'm fed up of people saying that America is the stupidest country in the world.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.


Even though America is pretty smart, there apparently was a survey that placed America 25th in the world at math. But hey, at least we're still in the top 10.


A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.
He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:
The Spaniard will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of shelter. And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.
A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left.
"What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks.
"We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."
Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island.
After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"


A new monk arrives at the monastery and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.
The old monk tearily says, "The word is celebrate."


If meat is murder, is cake battery?
(And is sodium chloride assault?)


A blonde girl in second grade comes home one day really excited with a large grin on her face. Running to her mother she says, "Mom!! mom! Today the teacher asked what letter comes after S, and i was the first in class to say T! Is it because I'm smarter?" Her mom sighs, "Yes honey."
The very next day she runs home from school and with a large proud smile on her face she tells her mother, "Guess what mom the teacher gave us a sum 12+15 and i got it right, 27! see see?" She says showing her math book. "Is it because i'm smarter than them mom?" Her mom looks down and sighs once more, "Yes dear."
The following day the blond girl half runs all the way home grinning. Breathlessly she goes to her mother, " Mommy we went swimming today and guess what? All the girls had small titties and look, I had these!" She promptly lifts her shirt to reveal two whopping perfectly round full size D breasts. "Is it.. is it because i'm smarter mom?" Her mom sighs and looks the other way. "No honey, it's because you're 24."


There once was an old mystic. He was too poor to afford shoes, so he often had sores on his feet, and since he was old, he could easily break his bones if he was not careful. He also had a very bad diet, so his breath smelt terrible.
I guess you could say he was a....
Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Halitosis.