3752 - Tuesday jokes

OK, the jokes keep on coming...
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I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me say that.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My computer beat me in a game of chess, I beat it in a game of kick boxing.

An escaped midget psychic is a small medium at large.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

I'm against picketing but I don't know how to show it.

I wonder what "don't touch" is in Braille?

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He gave his soul to Santa.

Procrastinator? No, I just wait until the last second to do my work, because I will be older, therefore wiser.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day", at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Trying to understand some people’s behavior is like trying to smell the color 9.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.