4276 - Long joke Sunday

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, “I want to get a pet that will impress my friends. I don’t want anything normal though, so do you have any weird or extraordinary pets?” The pet shop owner says, “I’ve got just the thing.” He pulls out a matchbox and says, “This here is a talking centipede.” The man says, “Well that’s what I’m talking about! Hell, I’ll take it. How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is $500. Without another thought, the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.

When he gets home, he has his friends over and lays the matchbox with the centipede in it on the table. He says, "Hey guys, you’re never gonna believe this, but I got a talking centipede!” The friends are skeptical and ask him to prove it. The man leans forward to the box and says, “Hey Mr. Centipede, wanna get some beers with me and the guys?” The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey, he decides to wait for an hour and try again later.

An hour later his friend decides to give it a try. He opens the matchbox and says "Hey Mr. Centipede, wanna get some beers with us at the bar?” The centipede again says nothing. The friends all start to think the man got ripped off. The man says, “Well hold on! I spent $500 on this little guy, let’s give him one more chance. We’ll hang out for another hour and ask him again, and if he doesn’t respond, I’ll take him back for a refund.”

An hour later the man opens the matchbox and says, "Hey Mr. Centipede, I’m not going to ask you again. Do you want to come to the bar with us to get some beers?” The centipede says, "I heard you the first time, asshole! I'm putting my shoes on!"