4289 - Saturday jokes

I used to play my favorite song so loud my neighbors threw a brick at my window so they could hear it better.


It's just so sad. How often do you see zookeepers breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule?


Al Gore's dentist had trouble doing a filling.
It was An Inconvenient Tooth.


At a university exchange program, an American student met a Syrian student.
“How are the things going on in your country right now?”
“Not good. We still don’t have proper medical facilities, there are plenty of homeless people, lots of religious fanatics and mass murders keep happening every day.”
“The things aren’t that great here as well,” replied the Syrian student.


My trampoline died today.
RIP


My wife told me I need to do more around the house.
Apparently, she wasn't talking about Mrs. Moore from across the street.


A friend said to me, "What rhymes with orange."
I said, "No it doesn't."

I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

Thankfully, the priest is in jail now.

The minus button is missing from my calculator.

I guess it won't make any difference.

An Englishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The Englishman wants to go so they all have to leave.

(found this way down in the comments looking for an explanation... 'Took me a while to realize it was a Brexit joke.')

(But then the commenters came through)

Welshman wanted to leave too, but he was too sheepish.

I only came here for the sheep joke.

I hope ewe weren't disappointed.

Sheep jokes wool never disappoint.

That was baarly a pun.

I like the shear audacity of all these puns.

I’m sorry but that was just baaaaad.

Went out on a lamb with that comment.

You shag one sheep...

What do you call a 1 armed man who does karate?

Partial arts.