4387 - Saturday jokes

If a Bullterrier and a Shih Tzu had a puppy, would it be a Bullshit?


My neighbors loved a song I was playing so much that they threw a brick through my window to hear it better.


If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?
1GB


You could say Julian Assange has been shown the Ecua-DOOR.


My wife asked me if I thought our kids are spoiled.
I told her, "No, I think all kids smell like that."


Today, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital because he ate a pizza.
My pizza.


Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.
Doctor says he has a reptile dysfunction.


Vegans say whoever sells meat is disgusting.
Well, I say people who sell vegetables are grocer.


My friend overdosed on Viagra the other day.
My wife took it pretty hard that night; the next morning and all day long!


I can’t stop making horrible toilet paper jokes.
I guess I’m just on a roll.
Sorry for the shitty joke.


My friend asked me if I knew sign language.
I said I knew a handful of words.


What does a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Arkansas, and a divorce in Kentucky have in common?
Someone is fixin’ to lose a trailer.


Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.
When asked how they did it, they responded:
"You know what they say, knowledge is power."
The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:
"Well, you see, we were in formation"


When I was a kid, I thought I had a Chinese friend,
but it was just my imagined Asian.


Two guys were at the beach talking.
The first guy says, "you seem popular with the ladies, can you give me any advice?"
The second guy tells him, "it's simple, just put a potato down your swim trunks and walk around talking to every girl you see. In no time you will have girls falling all over you"
The next day they meet up and the first guy complains, "I did what you said and every girl either looked at me in disgust or laughed at me when I was walking away. What am I doing wrong?"
First guy responds, "I didn't think I had to tell you to put the potato down the front of your swim trunks, not the back"


If I'm fat but identify as thin,
does that mean that I'm trans slender?


Why did the man put chickpeas down his pants?
He was hummusexual.