4478 - Saturday jokes

I’m a 20 year old with the body of a 40 year old.
Any tips for burying him?


I was really embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set. So I quickly threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
(He must have had a loco motive for hiding it.)


I can eat sugar with either hand.
I'm ambidextrose!
(Sweet joke, eh?)


Other than King Arthur, nobody was able to pull the Sword out of the Stone.
You could say, they didn't have Arthurization.


I created a graph explaining all my past relationships.
It has an ex axis and a why axis.


How many nails are there in a lesbian's coffin?
None, it's all tongue in groove.


A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the old west and says,
"I'm lookin' fer the fella that shot my paw."


Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands.
No canaries there either.


My grandma has Tremors and it’s really hard to watch.
Because it’s on VHS and I have a blu-ray.


Terrible things happen, when children are allowed to watch porn.
They could see your mom, for example.


When I was a kid my dad used to always beat me with a camera.
I still have flashbacks!


I think my dog's been smoking pot.
Just the other day I told him to play dead and he said, "Nah man, play Skynyrd!"


One dung beetle walks into a bar and nobody cares.
A hundred dung beetles walk into a bar and everyone loses their shit.


If there were a cord that insulted people,
it would be called a discord.


David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and orders a drink. “It’s a pleasure to have you here, Mr. Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” he replied. “Sure thing,” said the bartender, “No hassle.”


My work has just hired an Australian IT expert.
He comes from a LAN down under.


Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.