From the big net!
Why do people have to categorize others? We can only meet one person at a time. So how is one person a race or a culture or a religion. Predefined characterizations of people never gives a person a chance to show you who they are. Upon meeting someone new who is physically, emotionally or culturally different then you, it takes your relationship off track from the beginning. The relationship has to destroy those predefined characterizations first before you can reach a meaningful relationship. What if you don’t want to dispel those predefined characterizations? Well then you’ll never know the joys of a new relationship and new experiences with different types of people.
When a person makes up their mind who you are before you meet them. Then once you are in a forced relationship like co-workers or students, or volunteers you have a few choices.
1. Just associate with those who look like you.
2. Don’t associate with anybody.
3. Find one, two, or more like minded people .......that you are comfortable with but most often they look like you.
4. Find one, two, or more like minded people .......that you are comfortable with but don’t have to look like you.
5. Purposefully seek out a person no one else is seeking out, I guarantee they are the most interesting and complicated personalities in the room.
When you purposefully meet a different type of person because you know that traditionally they’re nationality, race, gender or culture have been mistreated so you want to change that. It’s not a form of pity, you don’t have to remind those folks that they have been mistreated trust me they know, just be yourself and act as if there is no difference between you and the other person. You can feel free to talk about your children, show photos just be yourself. I guarantee you most people will respond in kind. I remember when I went back to school after years. It was a rocky start because I forgot I couldn’t be myself. I had to dispel people preconceived notions first. I was reminded fairly quickly that I was different. I don’t have kids to talk about. But was I asked that no. Does that make me bad? No but trust me I get it all the time that you can’t relate to a black women like me who didn’t have kids out of wedlock (single mother) or never joined a sisterhood alpha or delta in college. I don’t like to join groups who purposefully exclude types of people. In college I joined the international student union. My teacher asked me why? I told him it was more interesting. If I joined the student union it was 99% white. It I joined the Black student union it was 99% black. So I joined the international student union because it was representative of the world. I met folks from Egypt, Iran, Hungary, Austria, England, Malaysia, Taiwan, the Philippines, Germany, Argentina, Costa Rica, Bahama’s, Nigeria. Since this was SLU we had one thing in common Catholicism. So these people never naturally segregated themselves.
I always found it weird that at an event in a room in America the room naturally segregates itself. So I have learned to purposefully move over to the area of the room most different from me. I did this once for a Democratic fundraiser at the Ritz. These were high dollar donors and I got in at the lower dollar rate. The only folks who looked like me were the servers. I started to mingle , good evening.....how are you.....so happy to be here to support this candidate aren’t you. By the time I reached the other side of the room......everyone had moved to the opposite side and I was standing there alone. Undeterred by what I consider the unusual flocking pattern, especially since these are enlightened Democrats right? I kept mingling in. So I decided to speak to the women....gender we have gender in common. But all they talked about were their plastic surgery. True story I promise you. I’m an over 50 overweight black women, I’m not trying to keep up with a teenager. So I asked why being youthful was so important. Their husbands demanded it. How sad that they too, are not allowed to be themselves. We have a lot in common after all.
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Did you make it this far? I could never do what she did. She has a point for most people. But when she wound up on the other side of the room 'by herself', if she would have looked around, I would have been there saying 'get out of my space!'
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14 comments:
I did make it to the end.
She has more courage and more self confidence than I can muster. A little of both is a good thing. A lot of either (let alone both) tends to create someone I try and avoid.
Sue - She's a real person. A friend of a friend on Facebook.
I suspect that I would find a little bit of her went a long way.
This is one reason why I believe military (or some sort of national) service should be mandatory. It forces one to work closely with all sorts of people and get to know them as "people" with whom one has something in common rather than as "others."
Bill - I agree totally. After high school, every kid should do at least a year of national service.
Good read.
It's a near impossibility in SWMO with so little diversity outside of the MSU campus. I suspect that even the campus demography is somewhat imbalanced.
I would gravitate to this woman. I am this woman.
I am not black though.
Either I misunderstood your comment Mike or am shocked by it. You would have told her to get out of your space? Hmm...
But I agree with your comment to Bill - that should be a mandatory requirement. (peace corp?)
John - I'm sure it is. Unless you're on one of the coasts, there's not a large amount of diversity. Some, just not a lot.
Peggy - Peace corp would be an option for national service.
And a lot of people don't believe me when I tell them I'm basically an introvert. I hate going to gatherings where I don't know anyone. I avoid them at all costs. And no I probably wouldn't tell her to her face to move on. But, depending, I would be looking for an out.
Mike, got it. I understand now what you meant.
I'm more outgoing than I used to be, but there's no way I could have done what she did. With that being said, I DO enjoy talking with people who are different than me.
Mike, did you notice how in those Walt Disney cartoon pictures depicting the different types of birds around the world, every bird is depicted as an incredibly gorgeous sexy bird ! ?. Of course its always nice to see the idealised and perfect Walt Disney version of what a gorgeous sexy bird is supposed to look like, but its also interesting to note than as gorgeous as those birds are they`re still not in the same league as...you know who ! ! !.
LJ - I didn't know they were from Disney.
Yeah Mike, i know one of them is the bird from ALADDIN and one is the bird from POCOHANTES, but i`m not sure which films the other 3 are from, but, like i said, they are all gorgeous sexy birds originally created by Walt Disney himself and then modified in recent years to suit the new styles of animation.
LJ - My granddaughter could probably identify them in a heartbeat.
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