5524 - IT jokes - 1 of 2

We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today?
One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”

What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
"I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a nearby dog barked and ran away. Now I am still looking for the dog to unlock my phone.

I renamed my iPod the Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing.”

"Yesterday I decided to change my WiFi name to "Hack me if you can" and when I woke up this morning I saw the name changed to "Challenge accepted", somebody help."

Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google Search.

Password looks at itself in the mirror:
"Don't listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password."

Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888. So when someone asks for it, tell them it's 12345678.

"Happy 3 week anniversary to the 26 browser tabs I have open."

"I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist."

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

"I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know. “Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?” He said he did and thanked me. The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is your client asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?”

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available. (Mike vs Mike123456)

"My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat."

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer... Oh wait, he does.

I told the kids I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. So they unplugged my computer and threw out my wine.

The guy who invented predictive text died last night. His funfair is next monkey.

"I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

"A friend of ours was puzzled with the odd messages left on his answering machine. Day after day friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep." He discovered the reason for the joke when he decided to listen to his greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message."

I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate.

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