6327 - Saturday jokes

To anybody I offended in 2024, work on yourself so I don't have to do it again in 2025.

Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back 15 pounds Wednesday night at 1 AM for Thanksgiving.

To hang out with me, you need: a sense of humor, an appreciation of sarcasm, and the ability to shake your head and roll your eyes.

Cop pulls over a woman...

Cop: First name please.

Woman: Frida.

Cop: Last name

Woman: Gomam.

Cop: You're Frida Gomam?

And the woman is gooone!

Just went into a shop and said: "Can I pay by card?" 

He said: "No problem, what card do you have?"

I said: "The ace of spades!"

A guy accidentally shot himself in the face after the bullet ricocheted off an armadillo.

I guess that was called karmadillo.

I can't prove this.. but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired.

I dated a guy once who told me I should probably lose weight. I lost 185 lbs in 24 hrs.

Why do noses “run” and feet “smell”?

“I’m voting for grocery prices” 

I’m voting for you to retake high school economics class.

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

What’s important to you this election? The economy? Immigration? Because for me it’s not dying of sepsis in a hospital parking lot.

Did you hear about the man who went to the ER & the doctors had to consult their lawyers before saving his life?

Yeah, me neither.

Licence plate on an Audi...

OR INNY

If you do not have an emotional support Canadian, sign up now before they run out.

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.

My deep thought. If someone from Holland married a Filipino will their kids be called Holipinos?

People call me skeptical, but I’m not sure I believe that.

I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn’t stop counting.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

My transformation into a bitter angry old person is almost complete.