6630 - Saturday jokes

The Venn diagram of people who are upset that Alysa Liu said, "That's what I'm fucking talking about," and the people who voted for a man who said, "I grab em by the pussy," is a circle.

My wife keeps acquiring new tastes in music. First it was Sixpence None the Richer, then 50 Cent, now Nickelback. I think she's going through the change.

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House.

I couldn’t beat a computer in a game of chess, but it would be no match for me in kickboxing. In a related development, my monitor and my toe are broken. (Bilbo)

The Finland hockey team, who won Bronze, was not at the Olympic medal awards because they were Finish-ed.

State of the Union Fact Check: None Detected

If the president invites you to the White House or the State of the Union Address, you go.

If a pedophile invites you anywhere, tell them to fuck off.

What's worse than a racist, authoritarian president?

The people that support him.

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes, that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that'll freak you right out. (Bilbo)

Sometimes I feels like my brain has a lot of things to hold and no pockets.

Him: you know what would be sexy? Eating food off each other.

Her: You didn't do the dishes, did you.

Him: I did not.

People who think you get boring as you age have obviously never experienced the thrill of seeing two hummingbirds at the feeder at the same time. (Bilbo)

1) There are about 1.45 billion people in China.

2) There are approximately 8 billion people on earth.

Therefore: Nearly one in five people born are Chinese.

Conclusion: If you have four children and are expecting a fifth, it will be Chinese (if you don’t already have one).

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet is. I had to think about it, but I was correct.

You know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that aren't divisible by two.

People in the 80s: I bet they have flying cars in 40 years.

Meanwhile on a pizza box in 2026: Open box before eating pizza.

The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections.

Fly: Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?

Bug: I mite be.

Fly: Stupidest pun I've ever heard.

Bug: What do you expect? I just made it up on the fly.

I went outside once... The graphics were great but the story was horrible.

Counter protester at MAGA rally with sign that says, 'I know more than the scietists'.

I'll bet the guy that named the sperm whale wasn't allowed to name things anymore.

Math: It's all fun and games until somebody divides by zero.

Piece of meat: I make you strong!

Piece of broccoli: I make you healthy!

Beer: I make you think you can dance!