Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Airline Food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggression
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Friendly Fire
Microsoft Works
Diet ice cream... really? Diet ice cream?!
They were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last 2 decades.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"Why, nothing," Peter replied; "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," St. Peter replied "You can play for free, every day, any time of day that you want."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your ---- bran muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago!"
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3 comments:
Years ago when we had an N-gauge model railroad setup at home, my father came home with a bag of "Real Artificial Snow" to apply to the scenery. I've always remembered that. Of course, I can't remember anything else any more, but ...
B - I think I may have a bag of that in the basement.
Wv: hottica - The name of Jay's latest strip joint.
Well, that list of oxymorons was a fine mess.
- Jay
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