1564 - Some more punny stuff

We all need to have a pun party some day.

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22. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
23. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
24. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
25. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
26. A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
27. Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
28. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
29. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
30. I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
31. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
32. Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
33. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
34. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
35. All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.
36. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
37. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
38. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
39. The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.
40. I'm inclined to be laid back.
41. Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry.
42. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
43. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
44. A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.
45. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
46. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.
47. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
48. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
49. When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
50. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.