1651 - A lightbulb moment

I mentioned something about an Episcopal Habitat fund raiser. John replied with "I always heard that where three or four Episcopalians are gathered, there is always a fifth!"

I said I'd check to see if that rumor was true. It's definitely a solid rumor.

But that also lead me to other information about the various Christian cults. And the Episcopalians get slammed big time in this too.

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HOW MANY CHRISTIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: 300. A sexton to change the bulb. The rector, assistant rector, deacon, and seminarian to lead the ceremony blessing the new bulb. The church secretary to make up the special bulletin insert with the bulb-blessing ceremony, including congregational responses: "Do you, the people of St. Swithin's, promise to support this bulb in its work on behalf of the church?" "We do!" The choirmaster/organist to write and arrange a special Blessing of the Bulb Anthem: "Phos 100-Watt GE Soft White" and 12 choir members to sing it. An acolyte and two torch-bearers to sit around looking bored and making faces at each other. And 278 people in the pews thinking, "Is this service EVER going to end?"
Following the service, two people will leave the parish and try to find someone who will let them use the Real Light Bulb of their forefathers. Six people will form a Society for the Preservation of the Light Bulb and meet regularly to drink brandy and talk about the first annual Light Bulb Festival.

United Methodists: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted-all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Christian Scientists: None. There is no such thing as a burnt-out light bulb.

Amish: What's a light bulb?