4829 - Saturday jokes

A theme this Saturday? Do you remember Art Linkletter and his show 'Kids Say the Darndest Things'? Well, they still do. (Oh, and happy 4th of July.)(Does England have a 4th of July? Sure they do. They just don't celebrate it.)



My daughter just called a cemetery a person garden. I'm not even sure what she thinks is happening there.

My daughter calls corn on the cob holders “corn chargers”.

My kid just called the statue of liberty the statue of puberty.

My son calls Toys R Us "Toys Or Else".

My four-year-old daughter calls hippos "hippies." We think this is great, especially when she talks about crocodiles eating them.

My son calls pudding "chocolate jello" and I'm not sure if he's an idiot or a genius.

My son calls dessert his "bonus round" and I think we should all follow his lead.

What's cuter? The ice dancers or the fact that my son calls them 'finger skaters?'

We had enchiladas for dinner. Or as my 6-year-old calls them, chicken ladders.

My 3-year-old calls my gray hairs "wizard hair. "I'm not getting older. Just more powerful.

This morning my three-year-old called a doughnut a cake bagel so that’s what they’re called from now on.

My 4-year-old calls snot "sneeze gravy" and I'm pretty sure that will clinch a full scholarship to Harvard.

5yo: Why is it called apple-cado anyway? me: no reason.

My daughter calls her thighs LEG HOLDERS.

My four-year-old son calls the craft store "the crap store." I don't correct him.

My son calls winter trees "naked trees."

My son calls them "please cars" because any time I speed past a cop he hears me mutter, "please don't pull me over!"

My son calls chicken nuggets "snack chicken" and I think it's high time we all do too.

My 5-year-old daughter calls limes "weird pickles"...

My 4-year-old calls Dunkin' Donuts "Drunken Donuts."

My daughter referred to macaroni penguins as spaghetti penguins and why would I correct her they both sound ridiculous.

3 YO daughter calls Chuck E. Cheese "Chuck E. Jesus".

My daughter calls a single slipper from a pair of slippers a "slip" and I'm never going to correct her.

My daughter calls dominoes "don-a-mos" and I can't bring myself to correct her because it's so f'n cute.

My son calls fireworks "the explosion things" and suddenly I almost kind of like fireworks.

My kid calls short sleeve shirts "up-sleeves." And she's RIGHT.

My kid calls those little ornament hangers 'Christmas Hookers' and I have no plans on telling him differently.

My kid calls ringworm “winghurm” which is so adorable considering the fact that he has ringworm.

My 3-year-old calls corn on the cob porn on the cop and I will never correct him.

My kid calls dinosaurs vaginasaurs. I don't know what else to say about that.

My child still says "brefdisk" instead of "breakfast" and whoever teaches her differently will have never known such a wedgie.

My 6-year-old daughter called me "Dad Bae" tonight. Clearly I've failed her.

Two-year-old calls chocolate chip cookies "chomp chomp cookies"

My son calls a dog's snout its beak and I think we all should too.

My 4-year-old calls our microwave "the pizza heater," and there's nothing to correct because she's right.

My five-year-old daughter calls the airport the airplane store.

5-Year-Old: HEY! WHERE ARE MY MATTRESS CURTAINS!? Me: Um... your sheets? I’m washing them.

2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them.

Watched Great Pumpkin special with my son yesterday and he LOST HIS F**KING MIND FOR SNOOPY. He calls him "SNOOFY". NO ONE CORRECT HIM EVER!

I'm not saying that my daughter is overly dramatic. I'm just reminding you that she calls tears "wet drops of sad."

My kid just called Fruit Loops "Pride Cheerios" and I've never been happier in my life that this little dude calls me mom.

My daughter calls people who are reading "book lookers".

My 4-year-old just called the garbage disposal switch a “gobble button”.

My daughter still calls sneezing "bless yous".

My son calls squirrels "kangaroos".

My 4-year-old called ice cubes "water bricks".

My daughter doesn’t know the word “braces” so she calls them “tiny jails for your teeth.”

My son just called a coffin a “skeleton burrito”.

My 4 year old calls Doritos, burritos.

My daughter still calls it “Madness Square Garden”.

My 9 year old either made an error in phrasing and meant to say cat or he is extremely self-aware. "I have cow-like reflexes."

My 2-year-old called the vehicle for sick people a "wee woo truck".

My 3-year-old calls bubble gum "gubble bum".