Sunday, January 10, 2021

5023 - Long joke Sunday

(picking on the girls today)
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. 

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don‘t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.‘ I said, ‘WHAT?! What was that?!‘ 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... ‘You are just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.‘ 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can‘t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?‘ 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. 

She couldn‘t decide which one to take, so I told her we‘d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Let's get a pair for each outfit.‘ 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. 

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn‘t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That‘s fine, honey.‘ 

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let‘s go to the cashier.‘ 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don‘t feel like it.‘ 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?‘ 

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You are just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.‘ 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can‘t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?‘ 

Apparently, I am not having sex tonight.


John A Hill said...

Probably not going to share this week's joke with my wife.
But it was good!

Mike said...

John - It's probably too full of guy logic.

Bilbo said...

We've all been there.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

And that's why women should all be lesbians.

Mike said...

Bill - Yep.

Deb - Can guys be lesbians too?

Susan Kane said...

Being a man must be exhausting, you have to be so political/wifely correct.

Mike said...

Susan - The wifely correct is the hard part.