1535 - What?!

Some good posts popped up on Not Always Right -

Tech support | WI, USA
(A customer is calling in with internet problems.)

Me: “Let me reset some of your equipment. It works best if your modem is off. Can you flip off the power switch for me?”

Customer: “Is something supposed to change when I do that?”

Me: “The LED’s on the front of the modem should go dark.”

Customer: “They’re still on. I’ve been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now, and the lights are still on.”


Retail | USA
(I’m standing at my register. A customer walks up while talking on her cell phone. I smile at her and start ringing up her order.)

Me: “Would you like a box?”

(The customer is still talking on cell phone and doesn’t answer. I start packing her order in a box anyway.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(She hands me a check, but is still talking on her cell phone. I put it through the check printer for her.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to write your phone number on the check.”

Customer: *dead pan, and still on her phone* “I don’t have one.”

*extended pause*

Me: “Okay, I’ll just put ‘unlisted’.”


Restaurant | FL, USA
(I’m taking a to-go order over the phone. The customer is ordering a couple of well done steaks.)

Customer: “Okay. On those steaks, I want them to be cut through all the way to the bone on both sides. I want to make sure that they are cooked all the way through. There can’t be any pink.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Make sure they do that. They didn’t do that last time.”

Me: “Okay, I will tell them.”

Customer: “The reason I need them cut like that is to make sure they’re cooked all the way through. My doctor told me not to eat red meat.”

I totally understand the last one.

 

1534 - Memorial day

Have a good holiday. First make some food and have a feast.

Then kick back and take a nap.

 

1533 - Signs

Well I found a butt load of signs a few days ago. They are from the Jon Stewart rally. One that caught my attention was this one.

Then a few days later Jay has this on his Tubbler(or whatever) thingy, post site, info share, short blog quick post site (or whatever). (I KNOW!! Go figure.) I like the addition of the last line.

Well I found ALL the signs from the JS rally. How many? 834 of them suckers. The link at the end will take you to the site. Here's a few of the ones I like. But first, an explanation for some of the signs you'll see about head stomping.



Here's the back up ARTICLE for the video.

Now on to the signs.

ALL 834 SIGNS

 

1532 - Spring

It's still spring right? It's been kind of hard to tell the past month or so. Winter, spring, summer, winter, summer, spring, and on and on. Have I got my heat or AC turn on right now. I'm not sure. I'd have to go look.

So here's the last of my flowering yard from a few weeks to a month ago. I thought I'd better post these before summer came and went again.

Here's one of our three lilac bushes. They came with the house 35 years ago.

Here's a couple of shots of the dogwood tree. Brought home by my son as a twig from an arbor day project 20 years ago.

And then a few shots of our redbud trees. These are only about 10 years old. Out of the six originals we planted, three are left and two of those are fading. Need to plant something different soon.

 

1531 - ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

Want funny? Well just get on an elevator and scream. Then add some editing to spice it up a little. This cracks me up. I know, I'm easy.



 

1530 - The end of times

Crazy weather yesterday. At one time there were 15 tornado warning boxes on the radar just in the St. Louis area. I had 1" to 3" hail at my house with no apparent damage.

Sedalia Missouri got hit by a tornado but not nearly as bad as Joplin.

As I type this the line of storms is stretching from Indiana to Louisiana heading to Ohio. Look out Matt-Man, here it comes.

I think I may move out the San Francisco with Fiona where it's safe.

 

1529 - Be safe from 250 mph winds

Here's a link to building a safe room in your house capable of withstanding 250 mph winds.

FEMA INFORMATION LINK

This is the link on the link that gets you to the main info.

FEMA PAMPHLET (8 meg adobe file)

This is the link to the drawings and plans.

FEMA PLANS (13 meg adobe file)

 

1528 - Tornado

Turns out I know someone that was in Joplin during the tornado. I think they or a relative of theirs took this video. Although the video is mostly dark, the sound is the amazing thing about it.



 

1527 - Two jokes

The following is usually how life works.

In a small Texas town, a new tavern business started constructing a building in which to open up a bar. The local Baptist church began a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed, however right up until the week before opening, when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork.

At the hearing he commented...........

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."


I think I remember writing some of these answers.

Answers from kids to science test questions:

Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

Q: How can one determine how close to them a lightening strike was?
A: You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Q: What makes up molecules?
A: When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

Q: What is an orbit?
A: When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Q: Is the sun a star?
A: Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Q: What is a vibration?
A: A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

Q: What is a fossil?
A: Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.

Q: Define a vacuum.
A: Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Q: What is evaporation?
A: We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Q: How are clouds formed?
A: I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Q: What makes it rain?
A: Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

Q: What is the average temperature in the tropics?
A: It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.

 

1526 - Do not

I could have copied this whole thing to here. Or I could do what I'm going to do and just link you to 102 Things NOT To Do If You Hate Taxes.

“I like to pay taxes. With them, I buy civilization.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

1525 - Nature's antidepressant?

I won't keep you here to long. You need to read this one line from the article and then go read the whole thing.

Could the stuff in semen actually be nature's own antidepressant?

GROUND BREAKING ARTICLE

 

1524 - GOP health plan

Watch the short video first. Then read the short article.

READ ARTICLE

 

1523 - The Female Marine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, her service .45 cal. automatic, and a survival knife."

"She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 12 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."

 

1522 - Misc

This is why I get the newspaper. The editorials. Sometimes you get somebody that puts just the right words together to hit the nail on the head.

********

And then I just got back my lost post (which I had already reposted) from a few days ago three times over. It came back as 3 drafts. Delete delete delete.


********

Click to big. (I love charts and graphs!)

ARTICLE - is your religion your financial destiny

 

1521 - Fight fight!!!

There's nothing like a good old religious fight. Here's an article about Steven Hawkins view on religion. It was posted Monday at 11:06 am. By 8:45 pm there were 20,000+ comments. And many of the comments have 20 to 30 replies. Some of the top comments have 2,000 replies. The facebook 'likes' went from 46K to 47K while I was reading it.

The article itself is a short article. Just long enough to get the juices flowing for a fight. If you go to the article, the comment section should come up showing 'highest rated' first. But you can view them by 'most comments', 'oldest' or 'newest'.

Who knows what the count will be for THE ARTICLE NOW.

 

1520 - American Al Qaeda

Who are "sovereign citizens"? Right wing nuts with guns? Nope. They make libertarians seem like socialists. Here's a 60 Minutes report that explains who they are. They sound like the American version of Al Qaeda to me.





Here's a short follow up to the report.



Here's the WIKIPEDIA LINK on them.

 

1519 - CPR

Remember that CPR class you took? Well guess what. Forget that CPR class you took. Here's the new CCR that replaces CPR.

CCR STORY

 

1518 - NAR

I made a visit to Not Always Right. They had a few good ones that made me chuckle in my head.


********

Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time
Retail | OH, USA

(A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

(I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

(The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”


Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day
Bar | CA, USA

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”


Impractical Jokes
911 Call Center | Muskegon, MI, USA

Me: “911, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes?! Hello! I live at [location]. My husband was stabbed by a madman! Oh, god! He’s outside my bedroom door! He’s knocking on it!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, a police–”

Caller: “What?!”

(Suddenly, there is a lot of talking and a bit of laughing.)

Caller, to someone else: “You ****! You scared the **** out of me! A prank?! I called the **** police! I could have gone to jail!”

Caller, to me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s a false alarm.”

Me: “Um, alright.”

Caller: “Actually, send over a cop car. I’m about to murder two men.”

 

1517 - Friday the 13th

Well this is a real live Friday the 13th isn't it? Blogger was down last night so I couldn't post. Now that it's back I see they did restore back to Wednesday wiping out Thursdays posts and comments. But I still had my Thursday post in a notepad file. How lucky was that?

1516 - Disaster

Disaster - Are you ready for it? That's the question you'll get tested on. And for the most part you'll be ready. Most of these questions are tried and true disaster questions. But there are a few new ones like 'how many gallons of water will your bathtub hold?'

But then there was the last question.

20. You should stock enough food and water in your emergency supply to last how long?
A. Three days
B. Five days
C. One week

The answer has always been three days. So I picked A. Well guess what. They wanted C. And here was the reasoning.

FEMA recommends storing three days' worth of food and water for each person in your family – but it never hurts to have more.

WHAT?! So I had the right answer but they made up a new answer which I got wrong. So I got 16 out of 20 right. Well 17 by my count.


Quiz: Are You Ready for Disaster?

And then to see if I really was ready for disaster I hit publish post and got an error message screen from blogger. OK, lets hit the back button and see if my post is gone....... whew... still there.

 

1515 - Oh NO!

So I get a call from my sister yesterday. She asks if I've read the paper yet. I said not yet. She said look at page 2, you'll be calling someone when you do. I say, WHAT?! She said just look.

So I open the paper and turn to page two and there he is. My friend Harold. Right name, right picture.

Hmmmmmm. Seems that Harold was killed in 1985. I wonder if he knows that. This is late in the day so I'm sure he's gotten a ton of calls already but I call him anyway. His wife answers the phone and giggles. She says hold on here's Harold.

I ask him how many calls he's gotten today. He said they started at 5:30 in the morning. His picture was on the newspapers website too but was taken down not to long after he saw it.

Seems that a guy with the same name (different middle initial) was killed way back when and they were running an update story. Harold has had his picture in the paper before. So somebody looking for a picture for the story found (my friend) Harold's picture and ran it with the story.

Lets see, if Harold was 75 back in 1985 and I'm the same age...... HEY! I've got some back payments from social security coming!! This really could bankrupt social security.

 

1514 - Verbal skills

Here's a test. I got 7 of the 12 which surprised the heck outa' me.

Guess the saying that's been reverbalized.


1. Scintillate, scintaillate, asteroid minific

2. Surveillance should precede caltation.

3. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.

4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.

6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

7. The stylus is more potent than the scimitar.

8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.

10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees F.

11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly suriferous.

12. Where there are visible vapors having their prevalence in ingnited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

ANSWERS:
1 Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
2 Look before you leap.
3 Birds of a feather flock together.
4 Beauty is only skin deep.
5 No use crying over spilt milk.
6 Cleanliness is next to godliness.
7 The pen is mightier than the sword.
8 Can't teach an old dog new tricks.
9 Spare the rod and spoil the child.
10 A watched pot never boils.
11 All that glitters is not gold.
12 Where there's smoke, there's fire.

********

Bonus - Heard on Letterman last night.

The navy seal had broken into Osama's room. There was Osama standing there. After 5 years of being hidden away on the third floor of the compound with three of his wifes, he looked at the Navy seal and said, "please, just shoot me".

 

1513 - Places

Well somebody yesterday looked at the link to sparsely populated places. They pick out a town in Missouri that has a population of ... zero. Florida, Missouri. That's right, the town, Florida, still exists but no one lives there. I don't know how that can be but apparently it can.

So what's so interesting otherwise about Florida Missouri? It's where Samuel Clemons, aka Mark Twain, was born. Back then it was a bustling metropolis of 180 people. Now it's got a few summer homes but no permanent residents. Total area, .1 sq mi. And that's where the Mark Twain museum is. I have a feeling the museum and park grounds make up most of the town.

Maybe I'll find some reason to go there one day and take a few pictures. It will have to be a good reason because this place is in the middle of the woods and not accessible by any major highway.

 

1512 - It's a process

How to come up with post material. Well it's a process. Like today. I'm watching TV and someone mentioned bacon. And I went.. BAACCOOOONNNN. But then I thought, bacon, what does wikipedia have to say about bacon? The word is derived from the Old High German bacho, meaning "buttock" which makes bacon even more awesome. You don't have to follow these links. I'm just putting them in here so you can follow along if you really want to.

So in reading about bacon I notice a link on Trichinella. So let's go find out about the disease. That leads to the link on the disease itself Trichinosis.

Then while reading about Trichinosis I notice a link to Splinter_hemorrhage which is something about those lines in your finger nails (sort of). This was not a very long article but it has a link to a 'List of cutaneous conditions'. I'm thinking more pictures a strange finger nails but this list includes everything about the cutaneous world.

So I'm looking over the list and what do I spy? A condition I've never heard of before. Black hairy tongue! AND they have a picture!

See, you learned something today. Now go read up some more on black hairy tounge. It could save your life one day. Not really.

Back to BAACCOOOONNNNNN!!!!




********

OK, so you want some more stuff to look at? Here's something a little different, especially if you're tired of people in general. There is a town that has a population of 1. It's in Nebraska. Here's a news article and the wikipedia LINK.

And then if you still want to search for a different place, here's a world list of places with fewer than 10 people. It's not that hard to be by yourself.

 

1511 - Worth the bikini fight?

You want fries with that? Yes and I want them NOW!!!!!!

********
After waiting 20 minutes before receiving her meal, the self-described "first-time spring breaker" allegedly hurled her food at employees, jumped on the counter, pulled a manager's hair and struck workers with a charity jar filled with coins.

The incident shows other Burger King patrons -- some of them also in bikinis -- tossing napkins and a chair around the fast food joint.

When officers attempted to restrain the suspect, Smith allegedly said, "Take your damn hands off me, you can't touch me."

Smith felt she and her friends were being mistreated from the moment they entered the eatery.




More of the story.

1510 - Best cost

Here's a good article by Bill McClellan on why the US is in the job funk it's in right now. Bill talks about a CEO that talks about "best cost countries". And then brings up two guys that actually started their own business and are routing for their workers.

As always other people are more wordy than me so you'll get more information from them. That's why I'm sending you to THIS ARTICLE.

 

1509 - Look

Look before you leap speak.

********

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email.

Dear mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house. I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read -

Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama

 

1508 - Future

I found an article about our future with Pakistan and Afghanistan. I should say it found me but that's beside the point. It's an article in Popular Mechanics. Popular Mechanics has some good articles on military tactics and equipment. So I thought, who's writing this article? The authors name is Joe Pappalardo. Here's something I found online about him.

Joe Pappalardo is senior editor at Popular Mechanics and a former associate editor at Smithsonian's Air and Space magazine. Joe is the author of The Secret History of Sunflowers and his writing has appeared in Time, the Village Voice, the Dallas Observer, the New York Sun, and Spirit magazine. He is the recipient of a 2005 distinguished reporting award from Military Reporters and Editors and has been recognized for science writing from the Dallas Press Club and for short feature writing from the Texas Associated Press Managing Editors. Joe was also one of five finalists for the international Aerospace Journalist of the Year award.

So he has the background to write THIS ARTICLE.

 

1507 - Dog

Let's hope there will be more of these reunions now that Ding Dong is dead.



 

1506 - God

Catchy title eh? Well I found an article about God and cheating. It seems that the more you fear God the less likely you are to cheat. The news story is HERE. It's a short little compilation of a study called "Mean Gods Make Good People: Different Views of God Predict Cheating Behavior".

But would I leave you with a short explanation of anything?! Hell no! Not when it comes to God. I found the WHOLE FREAKIN STUDY. If you're into statistics, this whole thing is for you. If not, then just go down to the middle of the study to where the 'general discussion' is. It's not all that long.


********

And then I found this on the site NotAlwaysRight.com.

Pet store | Louisville, KY, USA
(I am checking out an elderly customer.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’re all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”
Customer: “You too. And keep Jesus close to you. He’s coming back, you know! Coming back to get all of us!”


********

Heard on the internet. Donald Trump wants to see Bin Laden's death certificate.


 

1505 - Cursive

I think cursive is just that. A curse. I think people that write well in cursive write at a certain speed that is conducive to cursive. When I try and cursively write the letters rapidly get unrecognisable. And that's just in the first sentence.

If I was going to learn any type of speed writing (which is what cursive is supposed to be), I should have learned shorthand.

Knight did a post on analysing handwriting. Then she submitted a sample for all of us to review. Except it wasn't written, it was printed. Well all except her signature which was a mix of printing and writing.

A sample from me would be printed also. So I find it easier to type it and print it out. Another bonus of typing is spell check and even grammar check. But last time I checked, grammar was still in her grave.

What got me going on this? THIS ARTICLE. But this articles big problem with the cursiveless is, OMG, forgery. But when was the last time anyone verified your signature? Especially on a grocery store electronic signing pad. Scribble scribble scribble. Looks good to ME!

All this reminds me, someone wrote me a letter and I need to write them back. Whoooo was that.......